Life can really be a challenge throughout journey.
As we grow, we tend to realize a lot of changes and how life can be exhausting.
Filled with wants and desire, we always hold much expectation of others and never failed to be amazed by how people can be so much disappointing.
For instance, my very own example.
Feels like deep diving without oxygen tank on.
Drowning with all the weight but suffocating.
Been in deep pot for 4 years and the game still going...
A yet to be ending cycle.
Let me first start of with first change, moving down to KL.
Due to some incidents, I moved down to live here with Marcus.
It has been around 3 months and I have started to realize that he still couldn't get hold of the real meaning how couples are to be living with each other.
Or should I say that he don't qualify to have another half.
I somehow felt like I don't belong here or we don't belong to each other.
I kept giving myself the reason of all these are because he had been single for quite awhile, but after sometime, I realized it was his own personality or by his own choice for all that have happened.
Maybe we should have not been together at all.
Living the life of having partner but not having them fully felt like a waste of energy.
Making you feel like you are just an extra.
With or without, not much difference.
Freedom comes with a cost, yet not everyone is willing to sacrifice freedom for their loved ones.
Or maybe I wasn't really the loved one from the start?
Could be.
An advise from a friend of mine said I have got to start making decisions for myself and pull away for good.
But all I can say is it was easier said than done.
Still hanging on till I feel like I'm letting go, I will then do so.
Passion have been ceasing throughout.
Family members are another matter.
Therefore more weight added to it.
Two people being together means two families attached.
Meaning it was no longer the matter of two people but, that two particular beings are the one who held the choices how its being handled.
I see him as being not able to control his nor his family's perception.
That's a BIG CEASURE to me.
Maybe one day...
Second challenge comes.
My Dim-Sum business.
It seemed like the two of my other business partners are trying to get me out of the business authority.
By that, trying to get hold of my bank security-token which is a major setback of how I thought they are steady or sporting partners.
Though this might be due to me moving down to KL yet, one of this major reason why I'm down here was also caused by one of them.
Arsses.
Pardon me cussing, but now I realized how toxic society can be regardless how well you try to mean.
This I can still handle as we have Shareholder Agreement bound by Law.
All I can say is to just try me.
Handle the consequences yourself trying not to abide by the Contract.
My good supportive family has always been the support pillar throughout my entire life.
For the three weeks back in Penang during CNY was loving and loved.
I've always been staying out of home since I was 22 but I never stopped knowing they will always be the one who will always be there for me.
Life can be weighing, it depended on us how were we to deal with it.
However bad, we still will have someone to back us up regardless who that it.
We still hold the authority how we are to be treated.
Knowing yourself holding such power will help you sort out the yes and no's, do's and don'ts.
Empower yourself delicately and choose who you become.
Knowing you will be successful and relieved of all nonsense some day.
The same advise I'm telling to myself.
This blog has been going on for year filled with a lot of ranting.
It was a way to express also nevertheless for those who reads knew that they found people who are facing the same struggles with dark thoughts can come through.
Also a kind of encouragement telling those out there that out of every darkness there will somehow be a light guiding.
Be it bright or dim, you just need to find it.
You hold the power to kill or cure yourself.
I wished you the later.
Feel free to drop a comment for whoever who wishes to express your thoughts or those who are facing their inner monsters.
I may not be of much help but I strongly believe that those who are struggling just wanted to be heard.
Spurt it out and feel good.
Just like me blogging and ranting.
😊😊😊
See you guys around.
-signing off-
