The News

 Have you guys had a feeling of helplessness before?

When you wanted to do so much but can only do that much.

That is how I'm feeling now trying to slim down.

Have been so motivated lately that I only consume one meal a day.

There are a few reasons that made me this motivated.

First, it is for my sister's wedding this month on the 26th.

Second, is because I can feel my boyfriend despise me being that way.

Well, it is normal for guys to be wanting to look at pretty girls, but I somehow could not accept my own boyfriend gave me that kind of feeling.

Lately we had a few arguments, and I kept having deep thoughts to myself.

Is this what I have wanted?

Is he good for me?

Or is he just another toxic relationship?

I will leave behind the details of the argument.

That is because he did change a little after the argument for good.

But somehow, there has been trails of broken part inside me that gotten me start thinking a lot.

I've always prioritized him yet, I didn't feel like I've gotten back the same amount of priority in his heart given.

Which I really thought carefully, observing thoroughly.

I doubt a lot ever since.

I should really think for myself more often.

And if this relationship doesn't work out like the way I wanted it to be, I'd rather finish it earlier for good.

A few deep affecting relationships for me is more than enough for me to realize being single has its pros.

You do not need to expect so much out of other person when they could not give you what you wanted.

My new proverb; "The higher the expectation, The more disappointment. Yet while in disappointment, You still hope."

This is the Seven Relationships, Six Desires of a human.

As much as I hope I would not be affected this way, I'm still one human being.

I'm still bounded by these.

That is why I have been thinking; Should I free myself from all these?

Reality, Materiality, Love, Others.

Easier said than done.

I'm in a state of life that I can see things from another aspect without being emotionally-driven at some point.

But I still could not persist the rationality for long time of period without feeling the numbness in my heart.

I'm still stuck after all.

In a loop of never-ending reality that I wished could be better.

I've received news of my client passed away yesterday.

It got me thinking again that Life is so Short.

Unexpected events that you can not stop God from playing his movie.

"Life is but a Movie" like it says.

The news stumbled me for quite a while and my inspiration to compose a song comes.

It is named "消息" a.k.a "The News"

The song reflected how I feel when someone I knew is lost and how it affected those people who loved them.

How helpless I was in that situation consoling them.

From another point of view, it also reflects my own self-communication with myself that happened at times.

I consoled myself and me telling myself everything will be better in life.

I have myself to take care of my own.

It is a little complex in feelings.

I did not compose a lot of songs.

Only when I had strong-pulling feelings that I needed to express out.

Those words that couldn't be expressed that easily to people.

Something inside my heart hidden.

Soon I hope Loon and Adam can help me with composing the music for the songs I wrote.

It is going to make me to have the sense of achievement unlocked.

All those songs were composed in a day or two.

Which also got me thinking; I am such a complex being.

I don't know if its a good thing or bad.

Definitely depending who I relied my feelings on.

And I hope that person is who I'm being with now.

I really hope.

-signing off-

Happy Change, Dreadful Pain.

 These two years my hair had been in totally black state.

Previously have not been dyed for at least TWO freaking years!

Nor did I do any perming before this.

This time I have finally urged myself to do both at the same time!

Colouring it copper, while perming it curl.

Gotta say the result is what I loved.

Looking more mature and fresh at the same time, not everyone liked this look.

For example, Marcus.

He said I looked too mature to his liking.

But guess what?

I don't care!

😔😔😔

This is the time I would finally do things for myself.

Doing the things I've always wanted and make myself happy.

Do not always live in expectation of others.

You definitely couldn't please everyone.

In this case, it's my boyfriend.

Regardless how everyone feel, at times you got to be aware of how you yourself feel.

That's what I learnt since my past mistake.

But first, let me show you my new hairstyle!

I'm sorry, but I have to say I loved how it came out so nicely done.

Done the right decision to try this out at Hair Factory, Karpal Singh.

The staff were nice and friendly.

Definitely recommended.

The only things is that the process is a little thrilling using this funny looking perming machine.

It looked like octopus hand pulling all your hair.

When it's done, the results before end look is damn entertaining.

The hair designer asked me to get my handphone ready with camera.

She even said that some customer got shocked seeing their hair became that way.

Look at my Maggi Mee below.

😂😂😂

I couldn't help laughing when I see myself looking that way.

I think I laughed for a few minutes and bursting out again now and then.

The staff couldn't hold it in when she sees me laughing that way.

But thank God that the end result came out good.

💗💗💗

Other than that, the dreadful part comes.

That's the two side of the story.

As so it seemed that now is the Charlie bug season.

Which means a bad news to me because my house is facing the hillside.

The good news is that is it chilling most of the time it rains and goes misty.

I basically just turn off the air-conditioner and just relax with the cold wind.

But the bad news that comes with it is that there are also a lot of bugs came flying through my window.

All kinds of insects.

Bugs Story kind of variety, which also includes Charlie Bug!

Most of time, it is just pass through and having some of them in my bathroom.

We go along well, and they do not sting me.

Seemed like happy time don't always last.

Therefore, my time has come!

Blisters all over me in all sorts of places!

Fingers, wrist, arm, thigh, neck, lips, and many more!

Damn the wounds are annoying.

Spreading from one place to another the moment I accidentally scratched the nearbyes.

Now I gotta admit I'm not really fond of them.

Just in case you don't know what Charlie Bug is, here is the Google result of it.

If you see one, DO NOT touch or shove it off with your bare hands!

you definitely do not want to end up having this blisters like I did.

Penang is definitely raging with this bugs recently, especially when it's their season.

And if you accidentally come across one, wrap it up using toilet roll and throw it into the toilet bowl.

Bare in mind that if you don't wrap it tight, it will come out squirming inside the side of the bowl.

That is going to be very disgusting and irritating.

But if you accidentally come into contact with it, wash off the area for a few minutes with tap water.

If blisters came out like mine did, go to the pharmacy.

Get a cream called Fucicort from the pharmacist and wrap your wounds up with wire-gauze and tape.

This is to prevent it from spreading the ooze all over whatever that comes into contact.

I bet you could bandage the wound better than I did.

Though I'm a Red Crescent member, my First-Aid skills have been deteriorating ever since I came out of secondary school.

 So, just ignore my looking-too-serious bandage.

😂😂😂

Okay...

It comes to an end today.

Time for me to get busy with my Dim-Sum business!

Chiaos!

- Signing off - 

Now I Know Why!

 I used to blog everyday 12 years back.

Updating each and every little bit of my life here.

Making sure I have a place to remember small little occasions.

I actually enjoyed blogging, but I realized I have been slacking a lot back then.

Now I definitely know the reason why I have not been doing so frequently for the past few years!

The reason is that I wasn't facing the laptop or computer all the time.

Thus I find it inconvenient to just open up my laptop and update my blog.

And now that I'm facing my small tablet as laptop everyday, I couldn't help but doing what I'd forgotten doing all these years.

I used to only blog when I was in pain because the pain was the only thing I wanted to remember and keep telling myself the exact same thing.

But now that I am enjoying my life doing things at my pace, I find myself more at ease, instead of rushing into things blindly.

I am more capable of taking good care of myself and see what is good for me and what is not.

I definitely feel damn blessed *sorry for the vulgar* and loving every single day of my life.

Though I've been debating a lot with my partners about the business, I definitely feel that it's what's best for the company. (and it's a healthy debate)

Though sometimes we got frustrated with each other sometimes. 

😝😝😝

But still, all ends well.

Hopefully they do not hold grudge against me though.

In conjunction with the pandemic, I gotten my second jab yesterday.

Got kind of uncomfortable in the middle of the night but luckily it subsided this morning.

Gotta second jab is not kidding me.

But lucky me that I did not have fever.

Or it's going to be very inconvenient to work.

We're going to have our THIRD photoshoot today.

Like MY GOODNESS.

I definitely hope this will be the last time we need to do this.

Wish Us many many luck!

I guess that's all for today.

- Signing off feeling good and tired -

💗💗💗

Feeling Mischievous Today

 Feeling motivated today to update my blog.

It's a rainy day today.

(I'mma do it the conventional diary kind of thing) 😃

Recently no more of any sad stories.

Days seemed to brightened up as time passes.

New Dim Sum business have gotten me busy and motivated to do things better.

My first very own official business and I'm gonna make it work!

Lightened up with my family worrying I would get too stressed up with the business.

My uncle asked if I was stressed-up or now, and ask me to relieve myself if so.

Funny at the same time happy because he did invested in the business.

My reply was if I'm slacking then he should be worried with his money invested.

😂😂😂

But it did lightened me up.

So it seemed one little gesture can cheer or kill. 

In this case, it's the former.

❤❤❤

It's a new month now.

Beginning of September.

My new goal other than stressing how to make the business better, is to diet.

I have been eating since the past two months.

Weight figure increasing like no limit.

That is damn scary~

😳😳😳

By end of October, I should be less than 10kg than I am now.

Hoping could fit into the gown I bought for my sis' wedding.

I'd be really damned if I couldn't achieve my desired figure.

I definitely do not want to look like a meatball during the wedding.

Wish me luck!

 

Everyone told me I've grown some meat.

Look at that damned cheeks!

😰😰😰

Owh by the way, if you guys still have not try out my Dim Sum then you should!

Come give a little support to little business by me.

I'll leave the link here just in case you guys give some face.

😛😛😛

Click Me For Dim Sum

Do leave a comment below if you decided to try so that I would know who tried.

Gonna get feedback from you guys too!

Thank you in advance!

💗💗💗

- signing off -

New Business Coming Up

Two posts in a day?

Nahhhh~~~

I just realized I have not posted my draft during May until now.

Just publishing it from my Draft.

Up until now, things were changing now and then.

My new business is finally launched on 30th July 2021.

Sedap@DimSum it's name it is!

Yup, We're selling Dim Sum online!

Family & Friendship

 Someone said my post is all about my wrecked-up relationships.

But after the previous post, my inspiration started coming.

I just needed to get it out of my head.

Talking about Family and Friends.

Our blood-bonds are usually the initial motivator to our life I phrase it.

Friends comes after that.

Although sometimes not everyone experiences the same but I believe for the most of us, It Is.

My supportive family lies behind my whole strength and what keeps me going right now.

Though depressed and down-times sucked, I have to say my family members really have been really supportive and caring for my well-being.
That is also the reason why I've been susceptible into telling them too much.

Just didn't want to make them more worried than necessary.

Friends.

They love me as much as I loved them.

Often the called to check on me to make sure I'm okay, texted to annoy me for fun (much to my delight), and asked me out or asked to visit me at my place.

They definitely are part of cores to my well-being! 

This post is to particularly show a lot of Gratitude to those who've helped and accompanied me throughout.

Never in Life that I feel so much Love from all of them until in time of such need.

Each and everyone of them played a different role in helping me.

All shaping me into how I am today.

They are the ones that made me felt Life wasn't that bad.

The Ones that made held on for such a long time.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

<3

Better Me

 It's been a little bit of now and then.

Days passed, Routines done.

I've gotten better and a little cheerful than the past TWO years.

I have to say having someone to talk to everyday really do help lifting mood.

I felt much more at ease and relaxed, not to mention LESSER overthinking.

Which is a very good thing.

I guess I'm not the kind of Loner being.

Or to be exact, I enjoyed being given much attention by one being.

Realizing this, I've always been the one to elevate moods and creating relaxed environment for most of people that I often forgot to focus on myself.

To be exact is that I don't know how to cure myself.

I still do enjoy my time alone but it's only for a little while that would be more than enough.

More than necessary will just lead to a lot of unnecessary overthinking again.

I've been sleeping better. *on some occasion*

Well, it depends.

At least I've been able to fall asleep more easily than previously.

Dreams are still bothering me as usual.

Till now only I realized that not everyone make dreams everyday.

At times, I felt sleepless as I've been transferring myself from one reality to another that's in my subconscious mind.

It's just a never ending cycle from being awake in real life then back to being awake in your dream.

But it's still better than not being able to sleep at all.

Overall it feels good to be able to strip myself from being too emotional. *under guidance*

Plus lately I've been cooking!

Bought lots of ingredients and playing a lot of Cooking Mama at home.

It is definitely keeping me occupied.

=)

Speaking of cooking, my friends are coming over for some kind of food tasting or experimenting or whatever you call it.

Kitchen been cleaned up a lot, which means good.

It has been quite sometime I really utilized my kitchen since Albert was here.

Now, I just got to replace those with new happenings.

House has been slowly cleaned up part by part.

Thanks to Jiro for this.

He's definitely been very handful and helpful to me in cleaning things up.

I was so overwhelmed and started to have panic attack when I see too much stuff being compiled together at the same time.

On one side I didn't know why I reacted this way, while on the other side of me knows exactly why I've been that way.

The fact is that messy things of the situation is an exact replica of my life.

And me being so panic and having anxiety typically shows how helpless of myself in handling that messed-up life of mine.

That one emotion outbreak got me thinking of myself very deeply.

On top of that, Elena told me that she felt sad for me the other day.

I wasn't sure how to feel for that and I really hope one day people surrounding me will feel really happy for me instead of making them feel the way Elena did.

I don't mind being in bad life but I certainly people around are happy and in great health.

But I definitely know I will be BETTER!

<3

The New OutBreak

 Exactly a year after the First MCO.

Seems like the Covid Virus actually got the better of Malaysians these days.

Somehow people learned to live with it but never learned to overcome and to break it's chain.

Now it's MCO 3.0

These days it's purely just more wines and alcohols. 

New achievement unlocked is to quit smoking cigarette but still vaping.

I gotta say its better than being stuck with both of them at the same time.

Now, talking about life these days....

Life got kinda messed up with a lot of complications.

Just settles my LHDN coffee interview and I have to say it went better than expected.

Lesser fine than I thought I would get.

Thank Goodness!

Well, relationship is still a mess.

I don't know it LDR works for me or the other way round.

The relationship this time with Marcus is way different than Albert.

Things were working in a complete different way.

We both gave each other a lot of freedom, which is Good, or Bad.

Could be both way round.

I was granted with whole load of freedom that makes me feel like it doesn't make any much difference from being single.

Which is also the same amount of freedom I gave him.

I was a completely different from all my past relationships.

However, I've met more people and gained more different experiences throughout.

Being so much in liberty made me think a lot.

Would I be better off alone?

What if all those previous Predictions come true and I am slowly being mold into the person they predicted I would be?

Am I acting now on sound mind?

I was literally quite confused.

They said I could be hallucinating these days, which I do not feel it is true.

Yet, they said I wouldn't even know if what I thought as true were all hallucinations.

Coming to the reason I mentioned about hallucinating is that I've been experiencing Paranormal activities in my own new house lately.

That is if a few months is called "lately". 

xD

Not to mention, I've been around to temples and drinking amulets for the past week.

Not sure if which was real.

Dreams every night of different situations are haunting me.

From dreaming about normal daily life happenings to ghostly haunting. 

It seemed like I've been so used to these that I don't even feel anything anymore.

Daily life have been empty, though it was eventful.

Just couldn't really find meaning and participation in daily happenings.

It felt as if I was there, yet not.

Guess I wasn't the actual me anymore.

Things changed so much that I can't even recall which is the original state of mind.

I guess that's what they called "Life is but a Dream".

Hoping I might wake up someday.