Better Me

 It's been a little bit of now and then.

Days passed, Routines done.

I've gotten better and a little cheerful than the past TWO years.

I have to say having someone to talk to everyday really do help lifting mood.

I felt much more at ease and relaxed, not to mention LESSER overthinking.

Which is a very good thing.

I guess I'm not the kind of Loner being.

Or to be exact, I enjoyed being given much attention by one being.

Realizing this, I've always been the one to elevate moods and creating relaxed environment for most of people that I often forgot to focus on myself.

To be exact is that I don't know how to cure myself.

I still do enjoy my time alone but it's only for a little while that would be more than enough.

More than necessary will just lead to a lot of unnecessary overthinking again.

I've been sleeping better. *on some occasion*

Well, it depends.

At least I've been able to fall asleep more easily than previously.

Dreams are still bothering me as usual.

Till now only I realized that not everyone make dreams everyday.

At times, I felt sleepless as I've been transferring myself from one reality to another that's in my subconscious mind.

It's just a never ending cycle from being awake in real life then back to being awake in your dream.

But it's still better than not being able to sleep at all.

Overall it feels good to be able to strip myself from being too emotional. *under guidance*

Plus lately I've been cooking!

Bought lots of ingredients and playing a lot of Cooking Mama at home.

It is definitely keeping me occupied.

=)

Speaking of cooking, my friends are coming over for some kind of food tasting or experimenting or whatever you call it.

Kitchen been cleaned up a lot, which means good.

It has been quite sometime I really utilized my kitchen since Albert was here.

Now, I just got to replace those with new happenings.

House has been slowly cleaned up part by part.

Thanks to Jiro for this.

He's definitely been very handful and helpful to me in cleaning things up.

I was so overwhelmed and started to have panic attack when I see too much stuff being compiled together at the same time.

On one side I didn't know why I reacted this way, while on the other side of me knows exactly why I've been that way.

The fact is that messy things of the situation is an exact replica of my life.

And me being so panic and having anxiety typically shows how helpless of myself in handling that messed-up life of mine.

That one emotion outbreak got me thinking of myself very deeply.

On top of that, Elena told me that she felt sad for me the other day.

I wasn't sure how to feel for that and I really hope one day people surrounding me will feel really happy for me instead of making them feel the way Elena did.

I don't mind being in bad life but I certainly people around are happy and in great health.

But I definitely know I will be BETTER!

<3